NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT ARCHITECTS?
Q: How are buildings shown in the architectural bible?
A: Plans, sections and revelations.
An architect is said to be a man who knows a very little about a great deal and keeps knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything, whereas, on the other hand, an engineer is a man who knows a great deal about very little and who goes along knowing more and more about less and less until finally he knows practically everything about nothing. A contractor starts out knowing practically everything about everything, but ends up by knowing nothing about anything, due to his association with architects and engineers.
An architect and a doctor are playing golf one day.
Architect: I don’t get it. Why do you guys make so much money?
Doctor: We go to school for years longer than most people.
A: So do we.
D: We have to intern for years, working long hours and at low wages.
A: So do we.
D: We have to study long hours and pass these ridiculous exams to get licensed.
A: So do we!
D: Well, when we make mistakes people die.
A: Well yeah… ONE AT A TIME!
Two Architects were discussing the percentage of work versus pleasure.
The first Architect says, “I think Architecture is 50% work and 50% pleasure.”
The second Architect disagreed. “No, I think it is 25% work and 75% pleasure.”
Trying to reach consensus, they turned to the Intern Architect and posed the question to him.
“You’re both wrong!” the Intern replied, “For you it is 100% pleasure. If there is any work involved you would have me do it.”
Dear Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough insulation in them).
To ensure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in- laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.
I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor’s house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 25 meter swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new home without impacting the final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
Sincerely,
Your client.
P.S.: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions that I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
P.P.S.: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advice as soon as possible if this is the case.
